Emergency Legendary Meeting!
by DW-Chaos WolfEdge
Summary: After seeing ‘The Commercial’ Mewtwo becomes concerned about the welfare of having legendary status. His proposed plan? It’s time for a meeting. So what happens when you cram a room full of legendary Pokemon? Chaos, that’s what.
1. Chapter 1

All right, here's a goodie, kiddies. I was inspired to write this little bit here after reading a couple of fanfics and decided why not? Sure, there were plenty moral reasons why not to, but I didn't really care. You read the summary, right? Right. Enjoy!

* * *

_Emergency Legendary Meeting!_

It was a Sunday afternoon, all presumably normal. Within the large mansion located in Celadon, now under new ownership, Mewtwo was sitting his favorite lazyboy recliner, drinking merrily as he shouted at his television set. "Damnit, Undertaker! Kill that son of a gun Edge before I do over the internet again!"

Yes... everything was normal. Until, that is, Mewtwo saw 'The Commercial.'

"We'll be right back after this short commercial break." Mewtwo threw an empty beer can at his television and groaned.

"That'll take minutes... I'll have passed out from alcohol poisoning in minutes..." He grumbled, warping another beer in his paws.

"LEGENDARY POKEMON FARCE! Shaymin participates in local county fair as lead singer! More at eleven." shouted an overly-hyper newsperson, right before punching another newscaster's face in. Who kept smiling.

Mewtwo immediately spat out a mouthful of beer at his television set. Which immediately exploded. "Legendary Pokemon a _farce_?! What the hell!! Outrageous! How _dare _they call _me _and unimportant others a _farce_!"

He stood suddenly and went into some serious contemplation. "There has to be some mistake here... Legendaries kick all ass... Trainer's fear us and wish to capture us so badly they travel to New York for some strange reason..."

Then he realized it. "Shaymin... " His eyes burned. "DAMNIT! I _KNEW _those Sinnoh legendaries were crap! They'll be the end of us..."

Something had to be done. Mewtwo picked up his phone. "This calls for a meeting!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

16:00, INDIGO PLATEAU... 16:01

Within a mere two hours, somehow Mewtwo had managed to gather every single legendary Pokemon he knew existed within the Pokemon League. They had bound and gaged the Elite Four and incarcerated Red in a nearby broom closet, so the entire Indigo Plateau was to them.

Rare and powerful Pokemon crowded a single, very large room, and gossiped excitedly. Most haven't seen each other in thousands of years, and there was a whole lot of crap to pass around. Why do you think Groudon and Kyogre fight?

Mewtwo was sitting at the head of a large table, Lugia and Mew nearby. Mew was simply texting someone, seeming unaffected by the absurd meeting, and Lugia glanced around anxiously. "Two, I _really _don't think this is a good idea." Something occurred to him when Mewtwo nodded and mentioned something about Bill Clinton in response. "...Have you been drinking? Again?"

"'Course not. Beer is for miserable people at bars and happy Pokemon." Then Mewtwo pulled out a can, drank a few hurried gulps and slammed it on the table furiously. "I'm neither."

Lugia sighed as Mewtwo began trying to get the legendaries attention. "Why...?"

"Okays, everyone... I have gathered you all here today to discuss a very, very important matter that needs our urgent attention." Mewtwo announced loudly, glaring down at a few of the assembled Mons.

Lugia buried his face in a wing.

But before he could continue, Lucario asked, "Hey. Uh... _why _exactly am I here? I've had my own movie, yeah, but I'm not really a legendary."

Mew studied him hard, looking away from her cell phone. "...Aren't you dead?"

Lucario glared. "I was, thanks to you and your stupid 'tree of life'."

"Ever see what happens when you take away drugs from addicted people?" Mew questioned seriously.

"Yeah, they break down. Why?"

"Same thing here. Leave my tree alone."

"But—"

"Silence! You're here because I don't care about any of you!" Mewtwo shouted.

"Wait..." Lucario began to protest. "That doesn't make any–"

Mewtwo threw a judge's mallet and hit Lucario in the head, promptly knocking him over. "A-_hem! _As I was saying, we have a very urgent matter to attend to... We legendaries have been called a _FARCE!"_

No response. Uxie burped, but that was about it.

"And, AND!!" Mewtwo continued, like there was actually a commotion over this. "I believe the newer editions to the legendary family are to blame!"

Shocked and astonished gasps came from the crowd. Mewtwo grinned.

"LOOK! THERE'S A BUTTON ON THE GROUND! AND IT WASN'T THERE BEFORE!" Shouted Cresselia.

"It could belong to Red!"

"We should eat him!!"

They all turned around, and somehow a Pokemon Trainer had snuck in and was aiming a badly designed 'Master Ball' at Deoxys. He noticed the legendaries glaring. "Aw, damnit..."

Heatran tossed the Trainer to the sky and leapt after him before quickly eating the poor boy. He landed and made a stance. "Ta-da!"

The legendaries gave their applause.

"Damn humans..." Mewtwo growled. "I'm still going to destroy them all... next Tuesday. Anyway, back to our discussion. We must find out what legendaries are ruining us, and do something about it!"

Mewtwo snapped his fingers and Lugia pulled up a laptop to the table. "This is why Lugia has recently surfed the web... compiling answers to this horrible occurrence. We have found out what little teenagers and punk-rock kids these days think about us..." he narrowed his eyes. "_and _the newer Legendaries..."

A few gulps came from the crowd.

Lugia noticed something. "Two you... kinda mixed that up, it's punk rock _teenagers_, and... wait, you know what, forget it." He went back to the computer.

Groudon, sitting in the back, turned to Kyogre. "Soo... we're in the clear, right?"

"How the hell should I know, you tramp!" Kyogre retorted heatedly. Then she paused. "Wait...aren't we supposed to be dueling in an epic full-scale battle that could destroy a continent because you flirted with Giratina?"

"Oh, that load of bull again. Well, if you feel like it..."

Kyogre blasted Groudon's face with a Hydro Pump. Groudon smashed into the wall, and the building shook. Grinning, he wiped a claw across his face a licked the blood. "IT'S GO TIME!"

With that the two began feuding with another full-scale battle of epic proportions...

Rayquaza sighed. "Damnit, _again_?" Suddenly the dragon arose to the air with a very threatening demeanor and began charging a Hyper Beam...

Moments after an explosion, Groudon and Kyogre could be seen by tourists falling down a very steep mountain the Indigo Plateau had been 'relocated' to for the meeting.

Mewtwo stared, then turned on Rayquaza. "Damnit, Ray! We needed them! They were in the top ten!"

The remaining legendaries silently gave their applause again.

Mewtwo sighed and gave up. "Forget it. Okay. Onto business. Pokemon-responsible-for-our-untimely-downfall number one! HEATRAN!"

"Yipe!"

"Christopher from New York says, 'Magmar does a better job than you as a Pokemon. You suck donkey-balls.' Love, Chris."

"-elp! I -an't bre-!" Came a muffled cry from Heatran's stomach. The Pokemon shrugged helplessly. Meanwhile Mew was floating about in a waitress outfit and passed out drinks from a platter. She passed Mewtwo a root beer.

"Oh, thanks, I–" He did a double take. "Mew! The hell are you doing?!"

"You got boring, so I decided to do something fun." Mew replied tersely, now passing around alcoholic beverages using telekinesis for some reason. "Money really comes in for hot waitresses!"

Lugia laughed, Uxie burped again, and Mewtwo groaned. "Fine, whatever... do what you wish."

An explosion came from the next room. Mew gasped. "Oh no, the cupcakes!!" she hurried off.

Entei called after her worriedly. "Did you add the extra gun powder in mine? I said don't bake it!"

"Moving on..." Lugia interrupted as Mewtwo slammed his head into the table many times, "Next on the list of disgraceful legendaries is... Giratina." Lugia glanced at the towering Dragon and ghost type, eyes puzzled. "...Why are you even here?"

"My parents didn't use protection."

"Oh."

"Next... Cresselia!" Mewtwo had taken the laptop. "Ah-ha! It _is _the Sinnoh legendary Pokemon dragging us down!" he declared, then tossed a swift glare at the Lunar Pokemon. "And you, you evil...twisted psychopath... Why did you glue my tail and other things to a cat-litter box that night!? HUH!?"

Everyone: O.o

Mewtwo quickly cleared his throat. "Next... Darkrai! Jake from Minnesota says, 'You got whupped by Dialga and Palkia to the point of nearly fading from existence, you pathetic snot."

Dialga and Palkia snickered and gave each other a high-five. Raikou vaguely observed Dialga walked on all fours. Now he was frightened.

Darkrai raised a ziplock bag. "I have pot."

"He's good!" Mewtwo tossed both paws into the air.

"_Riiiight_..." Lugia scooted his chair away from an overly gleeful Mewtwo. "All right... Arceus. Many Pokemon and people alike claim you're no god of Pokemon. I'm one of 'em."

Arceus stood and broke his chair. "I shall send ye all back from whence ye came!"

"HA!" Mewtwo scoffed like a four-year-old with ice cream in front of many hungry toddlers. "I'd like to see you try!"

Manaphy suddenly went bye-bye from the room the moment Arceus' eyes flashed.

Mewtwo stared, and so did everyone else. For three whole minutes.

"HE'S GOOD!" Lugia screamed, terrified.

Arceus gave a twisted chuckle. "Good... good..." he bellowed as he passive-affectionately petted a trembling Azelf.

"Hey, what about Hoenn legendaries?" Jirachi questioned indignantly.

"No one cares about you." Darkrai replied, as if it was obvious.

Jirachi floated out the room in a crying fit.

"HONEY! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! HE DOESN'T KNOW!" Dialga ran after her.

O.o

Mew floated nearby a gaping Mewtwo and Lugia, wearing a chef's hat now. "'Kay. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say... that's disturbing."

Lugia turned to Mewtwo. "Should we continue? You know... before _more _Pokemon are dramatized and/or scarred for life?"

Mewtwo warped in a beer, "After I'm drunk enough to get those images out of my mind."

Lugia stood silently in consideration. "...Could you warp me in twenty? That should at least be enough to help me along..."

Mew considered the vodka she'd seen in the kitchen. Mixed with a few other drinks... "Could we simply throw a party instead?" she narrowed her eyes mischievously at Ho-oh, who was eating some very burnt cupcakes at the moment. "I'm _sure _Ho-oh would have great time, after a drink or twelve..."

Lugia smirked. "Lightweight."

Ho-Oh's eyes flashed with sheer murderous rage directed at the two. "_No one_ will _ever_ tie me up, throw me on the lawn, and paste that damn gay-rainbow sign of me again!! EVER!!"

Mew started laughing, and Mewtwo blinked. "Did I miss something?"

"Something funny, yeah. My cousin told me about it." Lugia replied, also laughing.

Ho-Oh scowled. "Damnit that Silver..."

Mewtwo noticed something. "Hey... were are the dogs?"

In a few rooms next to lobby...

Raikou and Entei were heatedly engaged in a epic battle... of Mortal Combat.

Suicune was sitting on the next empty sofa, reading a magazine while she waited for her turn to play, but she was distracted; reading an article with the heading, 'How to please your mon.' After reading a line in particular, Suicune blinked. "_Oh_... Well... that's interesting..." Eagerly she went back to reading.

Meanwhile after much button mashing and DaulShock2 controller abuse, suddenly the TV echoed. "Fatality!"

Entei began growling lowly, and Raikou grinned. "Ah... the master prevails yet again."

"Damnit!"

* * *

Who's next on the worst legendary list? Will Jirachi ever return to the meeting with Dialga? What became of Manaphy? Didn't I do this outro author's note before? Yes I have. Stay tunned for next time, and review!

Oh right, and just toss me any ideas that you would like to see happen with any legendary Pokemon and I'll make it happen if it's reasonable!

On another side note, credit goes to Flint for the joke involving Ho-Oh. He knows where that's from. Expect the next chapter soon!


	2. Chapter 2

_Emergency Legendary Meeting! Chapter 2_

* * *

"Hear ye, hear ye! We will now resume the meeting, now that mostly everyone's back." Called Mewtwo, banging the Judge's mallet he had thrown at Lucario on his laptop. Lucario was still unconscious.

Groudon and Kyorge had returned, backs turned on each other in childish pouty way, and both were severly bandaged. Groudon's arm was broken.

No one knew what became of Manaphy, and after much coaxing, Dialga had convinced Jirachi to return to the meeting in exchange for a visit to Six Flags.

Mewtwo, shoved his broken laptop aside, and warped in a new one. Some guy in Seattle had to go without. "Okay, since I'm beginning to run out of material to slam you young fancy-pants legendaries, I will now glorify the old one's that did our name proud!"

No one really liked that idea. This would cause more lengendary feuds, or worse, bore them out of their eternal lives.

Lugia had fallen asleep, drooling on the table, snoring. "No, the butter-pecan looks nice, thanks..."

Mewtwo shook his head and Mew looked enlightened. "Butter-pecan... yes, why didn't I think of that! Butter-pecan cookies may just save the day!"

"Okay, first... we'll start with the 'meh, their okay but I still wouldn't be caught dead with them in locker room' legendaries."

Everyone looked confused and somewhat frightened.

"What's it mean? WHAT'S IT MEAN, DAMNIT?!?!"

"First... Regice, Registeel, and Regirock. Well, there's a surprise." he remembered something. "You guys were imprisoned by humans... why do you suck so much."

The regis turned to each other. Registeel raised an arm, "BEEP GUMP GUMP GUMP! DING BOOP?"

_TRANSLATION: _Holy crawp! That freaky demon cat's talking to us?"

Regirock made a series of beeps and strange farty noises. Trans: "Yeah, man! He's talkin' about those humans, man! ...Regice, man... you suck, man!"

Regice was melting. "BEEEEEP!"

Translation: We don't know.

Mewtwo cleared his throat. "Moving on, I'm going back to the slamming subject because I want to." He pointed beside the Regis. "Regigigas!"

Regigigas flinched and glanced around. "DOSH?!"

"Yeah, you!" Mewtwo narrowed his eyes. "...What the hell are you? And where the hell did you come from?"

"DOSH DOSH DOSH DOSH DOSH!!"

Translation: I'm your daddy, fool! No go tell your mama she's a retarted BEE–_YOUCH_!!"

Mewtwo shook his head. "Pity."

Mew floated back in the room carrying a tray of butter-pekan cookies. "I've bought cookies!"

"YAY! CHOCOLATE CHIP!!" Everyone chorused at once.

Mew blinked, then began to sweat. "Uh... yeah! Chocolate... wait a minute." she rushed back into the presumed kitchen that was the Pokemon League lobby.

Then the closet door swung open. Bruno, bound and gagged inched forward, shouting muttered curses and complaints that Agatha farted.

Some of the legendaries turned to look, other's were too busy flirting, fighting, or dying.

Azelf, Jirachi and Darkrai were gambling. "This wins the pot!" Azelf tossed the dice, and they rolled across the table, directly in front of a sleep-mumbling Lugia.

He shot up drowzily. "The Green Giant, I got it!" He fired off a Hyper Beam at Bruno. The Fighting type Elite four member was then blasted out a hole that formed in the side of the Pokemon League lobby and then fell down the mountain side like Groudon and Kyogre did last chapter.

The rumbling and explosion woke Lucario. He got up dizzily. "Wha..?"

A piece of debris hit his head. Lucario was again unconscious.

The remaining Elite Four wordlessly remained themselves the Elite Three and fearfully clung to the back of the closet. Red was singing a muffled version of _Hit Me Baby One More Time._

"Holy crap, I did not just do that." Lugia gaped in disbelief.

"So we've noticed." Mewtwo answered tartly. It didn't look like any of this had fazed him. "So on and so forth, we carry on. Next on the 'you're okay, but I still wouldn't BBQ with you' list.... Deoxys."

Deoxys sighed and rested his head. "It was only a matter of time.."

Mewtwo's eyes glinted. "Now Deoxys..."

"Here we go..."

"What made you think you could still _my _thunder, huh!? I'm the Psychic legendary with the highest special attack stats!"

Deoxys transformed into Attack Forme. He made the bring it on gesture with his tentacles-arm-things. "You were the master, but I hold The Force now, young jedi."

Mewtwo pulled out a lightsaber. "Bring it on."

He simply tossed the saber at Deoxys and it impaled the space Pokemon. He evaporated until he was just a flashing green stone again.

Mesprit ran to it. "FAATHERR!–aw, whoops, you died."

Lugia had taken the laptop since Mewtwo started doing a victory dance on the table.

"Alright... I think the next one is on the... 'You are so-so but I wouldn't go to any Pokemon fan-club conventions if I were...' Mewtwo, did you write these?"

Mewtwo was still dancing and finished by spinning on his tail and laying on his side. He got mild applause. "I'm _so_ signing up for _So You Think You Can Dance_."

Lugia sighed. "Anyway, the Pokemon on the list are... Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos—hey, I rule those three! And they're good!"

"So? I slam who I see fit!" Mewtwo retorted, looking over a pink dress thoughtfully.

Zapdos, Articuno and Moltres however were sitting in the back, a cloud of smoke around them as they smoked Darkrai's pot.

"Dude.. We are like... so stoned..." Zapdos murmured.

Articuno turned enthusiastic. "Ah, yeah...! Yeah, we're like...we're like... I dunno anymore."

Moltres just stared ahead, very much stoned. He began singing. Soon enough, Articuno and Zapdos joined in. "As they dig your grave!"

"IS this really getting us anywhere?" Lugia inquired thoughtfully."I wanted to hit the gym today, but no, I'm Lugia's _'best friend..'_"

"Shut up, you filthy hypocrite!" Mewtwo shouted, pointing furiously, then he held up a pair of jeans. "Do you think these would look big on TV?"

Entei spewed out a fireball and instantly burned the jeans to ashes. Mewtwo gawked. Mostly because of shock, mostly because of beer over-dosage.

Lugia blinked and looked over at Entei. "My friend, I do believe you just saved the world."

"I'd die first rather than watch Mewtwo destroy our vision permanently by wearing those." The dog spoke solemnly.

Again, there were mild applause.

"Yeah, yeah...." Mewtwo mumbled, and picked up his laptop. "Killjoys... all right next on the 'what were they smoking when they invented you? Acid?' list.... Rotom! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Mewtwo shrieked purposelessly.

Rotom made a series of rapid beeping sounds, worse enough to scare the Regis, while twitching rapidly in mid air erratically...

Mewtwo slowly drew a bat. "Okay... calm down, now..."

Then the electric ghosts started zipping around the room rapidly, buzzing and making car alarm noises that made Jirachi run out the room crying again when Rotom made he curse word censor beep so close that she wet herself.

"THAT'S IT!! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!" Again, she ran away crying.

"BABY, NO!!" And again Dialga ran after her.

Lugia only stared. "...Can we _not _bring them back?"

Regigigas nodded, "DOSH! DOSH! DOSH! DOSH!" Trans: "I wonder if they have room for three....? Yeah, get your tight-asses back here..."

Regigigas lumbered off after them.

Lugia's eye twitched and he spun around to Mewtwo. "Two, I'm scared."

"Hold on," Mewtwo proceeded to picking up the bat, and then hitting Rotom with it where the Pokemon promptly stopped flashing, went dim, and collapsed on the floor like a broken toy. Mewtwo hit it many more times on the floor until his bat broke.

Then, he handed Lugia a beer. "Just take a sip, it's better than meth, after a couple cans, you won't fear death!"

"....Are you rhyming?"

"I don't know anything anymore..." Mewtwo pulled the list back out... "Next diss... " Mewtwo suddenly blinked blankly for a moment before standing up. "Oh-ho! The one we've all been waiting for! Bitches and bastards, the worse legendary of all time, the one who made me host this whole pot-influenced meeting...SHAYMIN!!"

Shaymin, completely unnoticed until now, waved jovially from the back of the room with the cutest, most innocent smile in da wowld... "Hi everybody!"

"Awwww!"

"What?! Don't say that! She's not cute, she's evil!" Mewtwo roared, outraged. "Shaymin! You're called the friggin' gratitude Pokemon, you sick, twisted thing! Your 'power' is to _clean _the earth." he said skeptically.

Lugia blinked at Shaymin. "You kill pollution? You're amazing! God must love you."

"I do!" Acreus said proudly.

"Not you, the _real _God." Lugia said disgustedly at Arceus.

"But I–"

"We all know you're just God's dog!" Shouted Manaphy, currently exchanging texts with Azelf. Arceus then mumbled something crossly about She texted: OMG! This meeting is so DUMB! I hate it. Where are u again, baby?"

Azelf, who was now smiling slyly at Mesprit, texted hurriedly: "sorry, babe it's over. still luv u, but i gtg. have a nice life."

Palkia, whom was eating a sub nearby as he watched Azelf and Mesprit cuddle over the wails of Manaphy. "...Isn't that incest?"

"Only in America, so shut it. Besides we're not _really _related. It's legal." Azelf countered hotly.

Manaphy, still crying hysterically suddenly stopped mid-wail and glared at Azelf with venomous hatred... "I'll show you to cheat on the sea..."

Suddenly there was a huge wave outside, that rose up higher than cliff they were on, and was rumbling towards the Indigo Plateau. On the top was that surfer dude and his Pikachu. "It's the Big Kahuna, Pika!"

But Pika, after seeing Bruno's still somehow alive body in the wave (HELP ME!) got distracted and fell off the surfboard.

"PIKAAAAAA!!!!"

"PIKAAAAAA!!!" The surfer wailed.

"...You know, it's been pointless fighting," Groudon was chatting with Kyogre over some water-tower barrel's filled with dry martinis. "You wanna start over? Try again, and forget all these stupid lies?"

"Oh, Groudon!" Kyogre gushed happily, but just at that moment, they both turned and looked at the huge incoming wave. Someone, it had been misdirected and was hurling towards Groudon.

Groudon turned around to look at Kyogre blandly. "I hate your guts."

And then Groudon, and that half of the building which conveniently only held the Continent Pokemon, were swept away in the huge wave.

Kyogre stretched out a fin. "GROUDOOOON!!" And leapt in after him.

Mewtwo watched the wave got harmlessly past, the half of the building he and the other Legendaries were on going completely unharmed. Only a Staryu fell on their side were it flopped around until it died of dehydration within two seconds.

Suddenly, Mewtwo remembered something. "Hey... wasn't the closet we stashed Red in over on that side...?"

Lugia blinked. "...Ummm.... Ummm... Um.... Well I always have thought Blue had more potential."

Mewtwo warped a poster on the front door that read, "IN NEED OF NEW WUSS CHAMPION. ASH, NOT YOU, BUT GARY MAYBE IF YOU COME OUT OF FREAKIN' 'RETIREMENT', YOU CRYBABY LOSER."

Lugia tapped his chin. "But.. Aren't Red and Ash as well as Blue and Gary the same trainers?"

"Lugia, what did we discuss about our game developer's plot-hole paradoxes?" Mewtwo asked sternly.

"To ignore and deny them until they go away?"

Mewtwo opened another cold one. "There's hope for you yet."


	3. Chapter 3

I had written this one a while ago, but never got to posting it. So I just now decided I would. ^^ Enjoy, people.

* * *

_Emergency Legendary Meeting! Chapter 3_

17:41, GOOD-HALF OF THE INDIGO PLATEAU.

"Um, excuse me," Palkia inquired as the other legendaries tried to figure out what happened last chapter. "why did we bring the clock back when we didn't use it at all last time?"

"I ASK THE QUESTIONS AND INQUIRIES AROUND HERE!" Screamed Mewtwo tyrannically from his bean cushion seat. , he was too drunk to understand much. "Whatever happened to your mamma, orphan boy?!"

Palkia took a deep breath, "We went over this, I'm loved in my _own _family now."

"PALKIA HAS NO MOMMY!"

Palkia stood up, stepped on his chair, and left.

"Aw... you suck, man!" Zapdos shouted at Mewtwo.

"Yeah, where's _your _mommy?" Moltres glared. The bird trio had run out of pot, so Darkrai and went out to buy some more. Now they were taking out their lack of cocaine out on Mewtwo. "Oh right. CLONES DON'T _HAVE _BIRTH PARENTS!!"

Mewtwo glared his hardest, but he felt the tears well, so he broke down and started crying hysterically. "Daddy!! Why weren't you _there _for me!?"

Lugia starred in silence, nodding. "I think it's time we went back to the list, as stupid as it is..." Lugia reached for it, but the moment he did, Heatran burped and burned it. Uxie followed suit by burping louder. Again, mild applause.

"Hey..." Zapdos turned to Moltres, who was busy frenching Articuno, but then they stopped. "Where did Darkrai go, anyway?"

17:43, PALLET TOWN

"All right, I made a big risk coming here..." Darkrai stated solemnly, standing behind a big building in the shadows. There was a hobo sleeping not to far away. "You got the stuff?"

"Yeah yeah, here... I got your fix. Quick—take it before Delia shows up." Stated non-other than Professor Oak. He passed a ziplock bag to the Nightmare Pokemon.

Darkrai stared at it suspiciously. "...you sure this is the golden? That Ash Ketchum was complaining that—"

"Son of a Bi#$t! What the Hell do you take my for?! This is the best you'll ever find! Now give me my money and take your sh$t!"

".......'kay."

17:43, Indigo Plateau... 17:59... 55: 90 ...900 B.C. ... 120:12.... End of the Wo—

"Celebi! Stop screwing around with time, or else I'll make sure you were never born!" Dialga threatened as Mewtwo held a very interesting conversation with a tea kettle. Meanwhile due to Celebi, a very confused George Washington stared around blankly.

Celebi was busy streaming through the time line in the building, sick of eating Rice Krispies and he just knew Home Model had gone off an hour ago. "Uugh-ah. I _knew _this would be a total waste of time. I'm _so _getting a martini and inviting Jake over after this is finished—"

"Stupid... loser... _faggot_!..." A little, nearly crying voice murmured spitefully. Confused, Celebi titled his head and turned around. Shaymin was growling under the table, in her Sky Forme and bashing a live-action Mewtwo figure in the head with a spoon.

"Hey that was my cereal spoon..." Celebi noted.

"Huh?" Shaymin turned around in surprise. "Sorry... I just hate that jerk-face. He made me look bad."

Suddenly, there was a loud whistle from the tea kettle. "OMG!" exclaimed Mewtwo. "My brother had diabetes, too!"

Celebi stared. "...Does that matter? Just take over the fu#$%!g world, like he failed too. That'll show 'em."

"Great idea!" Shaymin perked up and hopped to her fear quickly. "Let's dominate the world together!"

"Sure! My manicure isn't till six anyway! And seeing as how I can reschedule anytime this century, it's all handy-dandy!"

They shook, and a dark, terrible, cutesy/girly deal was made that would forever change the universe. . .

18:00 JACK AND JILL PRODUCTION STUDIES....

In some studio under inexperienced cameramen cameras, was a very bossy Director that goes by the name of Brock shouting what to do to Mew as she sat, now partially clothed in a skimpy outfit, sitting in a bed with a random, yet happy looking, Absol.

Mew nodded in understanding. "Okay... so I get to stay clothed this scene, but do I _have_ to do that to him? Can't we just do it instead? That's what I signed up for."

"Not until there are more stains on the bed-sheet! Action--Now SUCK!" Brock shouted.

18:12 INDIGO PLATEAU

"Well, seeing as how we've strayed completely from why we're here," Mewtwo regally announced, now granted with a sober amount of sanity to read. He warped in a giant, fire-proof, water-proof, explosion-proof, death-proof, Chuck Norris-Proof chalkboard with names on it.

"Huh? Two, haven't you bashed enough for one millennium? At least wait until Generation five hits. Hell, I'll probably help you then."

Mewtwo ignored this and pointed at the board, "Okay, next person on the 'you'd rock, but I really don't know where your creation is going' list... Cresselia! Come on down! You're the next contestant on _The Price is Right!"_

"Really?"

"No."

"Aw."

"You hate us!" Phione shouted passionately, just about sick of Mewtwo's bashing. "Just because we're Sinnoh Legendaries, you racists bastard!"

"No, if I was racists I'd hate Black people." Mewtwo stated matter-of-factly. Then he leant over next to a face palming Lugia. "That's what it is, right?"

"No, Two..." Lugia groaned. "Just no..."

"Moving on...Cresselia," Mewtwo addressed her formally. "You–" Just as the bashing was about to begin, Mewtwo happened to look up and catch sight of a Cresselia's eyes, which glowed like moonlight, and suddenly pale moonshine, despite no moon being out, made her glitter and gleam elegantly... *sparkle, sparkle.*

"Holy Heracross..." Mewtwo gawked. He cleared his throat. "Uh... due to slight weather and hormonal changes, Cresselia will now accompany me into the other room for a chance to defend herself with scandalously sexy questioning. Cresselia, follow me, if you would." Mewtwo got up and gestured to the other room with a gentleman's bow.

Cresselia giggled and floated into the room obligingly. Mewtwo followed her in, made a thumbs up back at the group, and then sealed the door shut by warping in metal barriers. He finished it by warping another item, a sign that read, "Do NOT disturb or you will die."

Everyone just stared. Azelf whistled.

"Soo... what? That leaves me to bash you guys again?" Lugia questioned. "Because I'll just dismiss this meeting..."

"DOSH DOSH DOSH DOSH!!!" Regigigas objected instantly, eating his chair. Translation: NO! I will NOT sit here, and listen you bore us all to death, you hypocritical cross-dressed fiend! I shall take over this meeting, and build enough elaborate domino paths to conquer the world!!! MWU HA HA--!!"

By now, everyone had freaked out and attacked Regigigas rather unmercifully since had started shouting out an awful lot of 'DOSH' s.

When he was unconscious, Latias, whom had been quiet up until she deemed it safe enough to speak, floated up to Mewtwo's chair. "Ahem—" She suddenly stopped and froze at the sounds of feminine moaning coming from beyond the metal wall. Azelf whistled again.

"_Ahem!_" She tried again, and all was quiet. "Thank you. Pokes of Legend, when I see stuff like this happen it normally means one of two things. One being Mewtwo got drunk."

"Bingo." Lugia put in helpfully.

"Or two, some legendary feuding is afoot. In this case, though it's more of the first reason, both are the problem."

"So what do you propose, sis?" Latios asked, ogling absently at the door Mewtwo and Cresselia had disappeared through.

"I propose group therapy!" Latias grinned. "Now we'll all talk about our feelings in a genuine manner, and solve this whole issue so we can all go home, eat snacks, watch television and masturbat—I mean watch television!" she corrected quickly. "Oops, I said that aloud, didn't I...?"

Silence greeted her proposal. Suddenly... "YOU'RE INSANE!"

"WORST IDEA EVER!"

"WHO EVER TALKS ABOUT _FEELINGS_?!"

Then a question more directed at Latias' slip up, "Can I watch?"

Darkrai suddenly raised his hand, back with a fresh ziplock bag of pot that Moltres, Zapdos, and Articuno more than gladly payed for and started smoking. "I liked Mewtwo's ideas better. That stuff was funny."

"Really?" Came Mewtwo's hopeful voice beyond the wall.

"OH!! DON'T STOP, BABY!" Shouted Cresselia.

More silence. Azelf whistled again. Heatran ate him, and everyone else was slightly happier.

"Don't encourage him," Lugia had planted his head back into his wing. "_Please_ don't encourage him..."

Mew suddenly floated back in as Latias left Mewtwo's chair dejectedly, looking bleary-eyed and red all over. "Well, before this meeting gets anymore sexually explicit, how about we do something meaningful now? I'd bake again if I weren't so tired..."

"Where were you?" Lugia asked curiously.

"I uh... was out jogging."

"I smell sex!" shouted Zapdos, his brain way past bucked up from crack. Moltres turned on _Tom Sawyer _and nothing more was needed before the three birds began singing.

"_A modern day warrior with mean, mean stride_

_Today's Tom Sawyer means mean, mean pride..."_

Articuno rocked out an air guitar section.

Throughly embarrassed and discouraged, Mew simply floated back down to the table and took her seat. Luga patted her back with a single feather from his wing for support. "Well, I've thought ahead and decided to help us decide who's best." he announced formally. "I've constructed a poll and set it up in the most glaringly obvious place in all of the Pokemon World!"

As every legendary leant forward to listen in on every one of Lugia's words as if they were as precious as the absent meeting food and refreshments, Lugia said dramatically. "It's at—"

"UUUAAAHHHHHHHH!!! OH YEAH!!!" Screamed Cresselia breathlessly from beyond the door.

Azelf whistled from inside Heatran's stomach. The fire legendary burped, disturbing his magma stomach acids, and that was that for Azelf.

Lugia was so disturbed and off put now that he just slumped down into his chair, broke it, and said, "It's in Saffron."

18:....I don't know anymore. SAFFRON CITY, SLIPH CO.

"So, um... where did this huge poll bulletin come from again, Ernie?" asked the manager of the building to a drowsy security guard who had just only managed to hide his PBS kid's magazine.

"Erm... I dunno. It was just here, all of a sudden... which is eerily convenient, since it's the same time as the Annual NTC, National Trainer Convention."

Meanwhile, the trainers where all arguing.

"Entie's the shiz! He get's my vote!" shouted Blaine, and pressed a button, giving Entei a much needed 2 vote total.

"What the?! You're a gym leader! You shouldn't be here!" Complained Tracey Sketchit. Blaine promptly blasted him through the 12th story building window with a bazooka.

"No way! Articuno rocks, you fags!" Shouted some random girl, who gave Articuno a total of -2 votes.

The manager approached. "Lesse... in third, we have Lugia... 378 votes. In the description it says "due to the sheer pwnage-ness that is 'da beast of bird Pokemon.' Huh, a quote inside a quote. That's rare. Second is... Mew, for obviously cute reason, with a total of 456 votes...and first is.... WTH?!"

Yes indeed, in first place was none other that... Pikachu, with a total of 66667000 votes. "Who the heck voted that much for Pikachu!?"

Suddenly everyone turned around to a constant beeping noise. In a corner was Ash Ketchum, feverishly hitting the newly installed 'Vote for Pikachu' button with the frenzied look of a madman. "Go Pikachu! You can do _ANYTHING _'cause you're the greatest Pokemon of all time! Yeah, you can do it, Pikachu!!!"

In an instant, an angry, popularity-impaired horde of trainers all swarmed Ash and ripped the panel from his hands followed by other things from his person in a flurry of fists, feet, and laffy-taffy ropes. "PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" — But my Spell Checker says: "PAYCHECKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!"

"...Man, I could use one of those..." commented one of the security guards hopefully from the sidelines as he watched the Ash mauling commence.

"Shouldn't you be doing sometihng about this?" asked the manager angrily. Ash's now torn and ripped hat flew past them.

"No."

"...Well, if you're sure."


End file.
